"What made you apply here?" that was the most common question asked in my three interviews. My answer was "I believe in what you do, reaching out for the young souls in obedience to the Great Commission.""Are you not afraid that you would be able to neglect your time with your husband?" was a common question from my friends. My answer, "Of course I am," but both me and my husband are convinced that we will not say NO if the the Lord would call me to the work.
Yes, I did apply for the job despite my apprehension that they wouldn't prefer my background and the fear of rejection because I could not reach the standard set (I did read the job description).
I used to work as the head of one of a church-based program in Iligan. I was a fresh graduate of AB Sociology then, who responded to the invitation of the church to work full time. I was excited despite the hesitation that my parents were expecting me to be back in Davao after graduation to work in a government office. Well, the Lord closed that door by freezing all the job openings due to an upcoming election. I told my parents that it would be just short term, three years maximum.
I ended up enjoying my whole eight-year stay in that ministry. My parents were also supportive though they used to tease me, "You have a really good job, but not a really good compensation." By God's help, I was able to finished my Masters Degree in Sociology while working there. I know that those special people around me knew how much I enjoyed watching the children grow, but the most fulfilling part was to see that the chosen few who became part of the family of God are now growing and serving the Lord as well.
So, why did I apply for another position within that same organization?
Well, I never expected that the Lord would pull me out of Iligan and relocate me in the busy metropolis of Manila. A month after we were married, we moved to Quezon City. My husband accepted an invitation to join a Youth Ministry Organization. When some of the staff knew that we were moving and that we are staying in the city, they earnestly encouraged me to apply, but I simply said that we needed to pray about it first. After three months of informal follow-up, I did submit my application with my husband's permission. Eventually, I was interviewed.
After the three successful interviews, I was selected for community immersion last December. We stayed in the community of the sponsored child, toured around the three projects and observed our team leader. It was really fun to meet new people, especially when you talk the same language! I easily mingled with the family and I hope they will not forget my tinola recipe ;). The things that we were asked to do was nothing new to me for I also have my own share of observing poverty in the rural area where I came from. Some differences: The poor in Manila lack space allocated per person, as part of the problem of this overcrowded city, while the poor in the province enjoys a quite spacious barong-barong and wide open fields. The poor in Manila despite the physical condition of their houses own more than four appliances while the poor in the province consider having a TV a prized possession.
During our evening processing, my colleagues were really amazed at how poor the family of the kids were. There was Nonoy, who shared how he was able to join them in the talipapa to sell their tilapia. My concentration on the other hand was really more on how our team leader conducted her facilitation, and as she did it, we were asked to observed. I also recalled the five other facilitators I have worked with and noted the similarities and differences with our team leader. Much of the work was a facilitation that empowers the church leadership instead of making them dependent to you. It was overwhelming for me just to imagine handling at least eight projects of different leadership structures and styles.
The immersion lasted for six days (we knew it was short compared to the first batch), but it served its purpose. We survived without cellphones and without communication with our husbands. We were supposed to go back to the project after our culmination that Saturday. I asked permission from our team leader if I could go to our training (in GYMN, the organization my husband is involved with) after the culmination, but it ended up that all of us were not able to go back to the projects where we were assigned because the culmination ended at 3 pm. We invited our host families to join which also gave smiles to their faces.
We were told to wait for their call or email by January 2008 for the result, accepted or not.
So I waited...
No call...
No text...
No email...
My batchmate, who became my friend, texted me on the third week of January asking me if I received any notice from the office, because she was asked to report for orientation the following week. I told her I did not receive any. She said "You just wait, maybe they will contact you later this week." At that point I was nearing the conclusion that they did not accept me. But i still waited, besides, they needed five more new staff.
I waited again...
I decided to wait for the first week of February before I emailed them, at least that was what they told us, by January 2008.
Still there was none.
My friend at this point was now on training.
So I got the message, I was not selected.
But why? Are my credentials lacking? Is my eight years experience in the project not good enough? Are they afraid that the I would be too subjective? Those are the questions that flashed through my mind.
Still no information coming from the office.
February 5, I emailed the HR, and the following day, February 6 they emailed me back (amazing huh?). I was not accepted because the selection panel recommended another candidate whose background and qualifications more closely matched the requirements. It's where I got the conclusion that I did not passed their expectations or their qualifications.
At last, they were able to give me closure with the the issue, it was all I wanted.
So how did I feel after that? I thought I was quite disappointed, but I realized that I was really hurt. The Lord allowed me to experience the pain of rejection, of the slammed door right in front of you, the door of your heart's desire.
At that point, I asked the the Lord to enable me to see the result in HIS eyes and not on my own understanding. To see not just the rationale of the situation, but the sovereignty of HIS purpose. It was hard for me.
It became a time of meditation for me.
I asked the Lord to enable me to fell better each day, to never harbor any bitterness and regret.
He is indeed an answering God. Each day that passed was a healing process.
Little by little the spark of light became a beam of light to show me where HE is leading me. I had indeed limited God's way of using me on other areas of ministry. Just because I liked the ministry from where I came from, I thought He would want to use me there. But I was wrong. For He has something in mind, far more than what I have expected.
I am not closing the possibilities that He would still want to use me in a similar ministry, for you simply cannot box God in. But as of this time, my heart is so filled with joy for the entire experience. He allowed me to savor HIM deeply, to experience the realness of HIS guidance in leading me and my husband to the door of HIS best place for where He wanted us to be.
Right now, I work part-time in GYMN Asia and as full-time wife to my husband. We both find joy traveling together all through out the country, meeting lots of ministers and workers who are passionate for the Lord and for the youth!
After three months, I was able to write this part of my life without regret. As I look back on the experience, there is real gladness.
